Thursday, February 12, 2009

13+ Reasons To Support ALP!

By Marcus M. Mottley, Ph.D.

In the interest of being 'fair and balanced', I think that I should present readers with reasons why they might consider voting for the ALP in the upcoming elections.

1. To protect former ALP ministers who are under a cloud of allegations from the possibility that they may go to jail!

2. To honour the memory of Papa Bird and continue his lineage though 'Baby' Bird!

3. To be like your great grandmother who would have voted for Papa Bird and also supported Moody Stuart!

4. To show gratitude for the thousands of low paying, no-skills-needed, non-productive, non-established jobs that ALP created.

5. To ensure that ALP will continue to bring in people from everywhere, give them passports, and make them immediate citizens... and to make sure that all those people who are here illegally can get immediate amnesty and also become citizens.

6. To ensure that politicians can make money from passport scams and other corrupt practices that were rampant over their 28 year reign. Some pennies might trickle down to you and you can use that to pay your electricity bills.

7. To continue and even refine Birdanomics: Don't develop or train your people; Keep them beholden to you for low paying, non-skilled jobs; Borrow money from the rich Sir Pirate of the West Indies and others; establish low-paying jobs and contend that there is no unemployment; Under-educate your people so that they won't understand your plan to rob them blind; suck Social Security, Medical Benefits and State Insurance dry... and use the money as if it's government income; fix the roads every five years and point to that as economic development;

8. To make sure that ALP politicians fulfill their promise of giving away the country's resources to that rich Sir Pirate of the West Indies.

9. You want a government job, so that you can go to work any time and you don't even have to go if you do not want. You will still get paid... whenever there is money.

10. Every five years, you want your turkey and ham, twin bed spread, kerosene stove, Pentium III computer, good used fridge, shower curtain, pots and pans, 500W microwave and, sand and chip stone to build... just tell them you will vote red... or tell them you live in St. Peters.

12. You are a government worker who likes the idea of not getting paid at the end of the month...

13. You want Antigua and Barbuda to be known as a country that has a very poor international image, is seen as a haven for international criminals, and a country whose leaders have large bank accounts in plenty of far off countries.

14. You are not Antiguan and you want to use the name of a dead person to get an Antiguan passport! You know exactly who you should go to!

15. You really, really, really like that heavy-set (used to be very fat) guy in red who was shown on TV dancing, twisting, wriggling, jiggling and wining up - on one leg...